I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
