Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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