It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
