Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize