he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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