My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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