I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
