She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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