OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
