i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
