I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
