theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
