From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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