Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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