its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
