Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
