it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
