You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
