Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
