Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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