i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
