Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
