He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize