my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
