remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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