Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
