I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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