I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
