one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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