Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He passed out mid-signature
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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