Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
