i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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