so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
