i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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