Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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