This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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