I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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