someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
