I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize