What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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