i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
