also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize