Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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