the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize