i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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