I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
