I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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