Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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