we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
