Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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