I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
