bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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