were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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