He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
