I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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