How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
