There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't notice because vodka
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
