I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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