Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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