I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
