Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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