I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dick very happy bro
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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