I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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