What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
