New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
