there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
