I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
