I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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