Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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