After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
