so let's talk penis.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
COCAINE IS GR8
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
