he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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