Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
