so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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