I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
