Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
