You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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