can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
