I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bring me that man meat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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