I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
