I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
