Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
