she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
