he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
