you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
