just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
