I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
