I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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