they need to just BURY HIM!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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