i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
