WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
